If you wondering how I’ve been, what I’ve been up to, and how the new year is treating me; then I must take you on a journey through the past two years ago. Will you walk with me?
The shift started in 2022…a tough year for me. If I were to describe it then I’d say it was a test of wills; of perseverance, endurance, and grit. Survival really. 2022 gobbled me up, churned and chewed at dashing dreams, spit me out, and then turned around and tried to swallow me whole.
I crumpled and wilted; Clutched blindly at the tiniest glimmers of hope in a fever dream.
2022 was a fucking nightmare…and this is important to understand 2023.
Yep 2022 was bad, not because of truly catastrophic events, or because only bad things seemed to happen to me. No. There was good too. So much good happened in 2022…so so much. Unexpected yet unwavering support; serendipitous encounters, and mind-boggling accomplishments.
What was truly terrifying was the neverending onslaught of burdens that 2022 piled upon my shoulders. Sinking me further as waves of turmoil undulated and crashed itself over any good news…almost drowning me in distress. I held my breath all of 2022 in fear that if I basked in the pleasurable moments of good, they would be snatched away.
I swam my way through murky waters desperately reaching for the surface of 2023. I emerged a dehydrated husk of past Diedre…so distant that I spent all of 2023 wandering aimlessly.
In 2023, I didn’t recognise myself. The emotional trauma left me listless, directionless, and without solid goals to guide me. 2023 was the first time I’ve felt so…detached…from the happenings of my life. I wasn’t having an out-of-body experience; watching, wondering what the hell I was doing. No, it wasn’t that.
I felt detached. Like my soul no longer fit. Like weirdly hung clothes after a too-rapid weightloss, or ill-shaped oversized clothes draped awkwardly. My soul clung haphazardly to my body. Nothing fit, nothing connected, very little grounded me in 2023.
I wandered aimlessly. But what I didn’t know then…and I’m not sure to what extent I know now…is that I was seeking old comforts, meaningless familiarity.
I wasn’t directionless in 2023…I was looking in the wrong direction.
I realised then that Change does not go backward. It builds up and breaks down, it shifts and contorts…it even peels back layers, yes. But change is never “what once was”. It is what is, or perhaps, what will be.
As I approached the end of 2023, the thought came to me that I needed to stop trying to fit. To halt whatever attempts I made to “get back to me”. Those misdirected efforts weren’t going to fix anything.
I must first re-acquaint with self as I Am…if I want to Be.
My focus word for 2024 is ✨REACQUAINTANCE✨
And so for 2024 I want to reacquaint myself with my joy of solo travel, self-love, and self-discovery. What does that mean to me in this moment? I’d also love to hear from you too on your plans for this year! Will you share this journey with me?
It is French custom to wish you a Happy New Year until the very end of January. Since I’m writing this from my apartment in Paris, in the middle of January lol, I will take liberties…
May 2024 bring serendipity, and prosperity, and unfurl new hopeful discoveries.
Bonne Année ! Happy 2024!
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I hope 2024 is your best one yet, and you achieve getting reacquainted with yourself. Self love & self discovery is an amazing thing. Take up space ✨️
I hope 2024 is your best one yet, and you achieve getting reacquainted with yourself. Self love & self discovery is an amazing thing. Take up space ✨️
Loved reading it! I hope everyone can love themselves to the fullest and enjoy life!